Remember when you dreamed about moving into your first apartment? It would be a stylishly decorated loft with multiple bedrooms and that “open concept floor plan” that you kept hearing about on HGTV. The loft would be close to nightlife (but not so close that the noise reached your apartment), near a safe park with a running track, and just a few blocks away from work. And your best friends would live right next door.
And then you moved into your first apartment, and you realized that none of that happens in real life. So where did we get these crazy ideas? We blame TV. Here are some of the apartment goals we’ll never reach in real life, as told by our favorite TV shows:
Friends: You’ll Know (And Be Best Friends With) Your Neighbors Before Move-In
In a city with over eight million people, Monica just happens to have an apartment across the hall from her brother’s best friend. We’re not in the business of calculating statistics, but we can guess that this happens about 0.0000001% of the time in real life. Which makes it all the more disappointing when you move into your first apartment and realize that your neighbor is not interested in being your best friend, or doing anything other than making mysteriously loud noises in the middle of the night.
How I Met Your Mother: Your Favorite Bar Will Be Right Downstairs
If you’ve ever found yourself at a bar across town after having one too many drinks, desperately hoping that there’s a Lyft nearby, you’ve probably wished there was a bar closer to you. According to How I Met Your Mother, it’s that easy: Ted and Marshall’s spacious two-bedroom on the show is just upstairs from McClaren’s Pub, where we see the gang in nearly every episode. But even in a new, amenity-filled apartment building, the chances of there being a bar downstairs – and the chances of that bar being your favorite bar – are slim to none.
New Girl: Your Random Online Roommate Will Become Your Best Friend
After getting dumped by her boyfriend, Jess desperately scours the internet for an apartment, and ends up living in “the loft” with four complete strangers. But despite her insanity in the pilot, she ends up becoming best friends with Nick, Schmidt, Coach, and Winston within the first few episodes of the show. It’s a nice idea, but if you’ve ever lived with a Craigslist roommate, you probably also have a Craigslist roommate horror story – and those roommates aren’t even as crazy as Jess Day.
Sex and the City: Rent Control Means You Can Rent an Apartment for 1/4 of the Price
For most of Sex and the City‘s run, Carrie Bradshaw lives in an Upper East Side apartment with luxurious furniture and an iconic closet the size of an average Manhattan bedroom. And throughout the show, Carrie claims that her apartment is rent controlled at only $700 a month. Even taking into consideration that the show premiered in 1998, a $700 apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan is insane, a fact that the New York Post proved by calculating the apartment’s real-life rent at $2,700 per month. Too bad rent control doesn’t have that much control…
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: You’ll Find Your New Place Right Away
We’ll be fair on this one: Kimmy and Titus’s apartment is a nightmare. It has a shower in the kitchen, a closet as a bedroom, and terrible neighbors that only Kimmy could love. But that doesn’t change the fact that she finds her apartment the day she arrives in New York. Let that sink in: Kimmy, a girl who has spent over a decade living a bunker and believing the world ended in an inferno, was able to find an apartment on her first day in New York City. With those skills, Kimmy should forget her dream of becoming a crossing guard and become a real estate agent.
2 Broke Girls: Even Downtown, Apartments Have Yards Big Enough for a Horse
Maybe, in smaller cities with more land and less population, apartments with yards exist (though most city dwellers would agree they only exists in fairy tales). But that apartment certainly doesn’t have a yard large enough for a horse to live. And that’s setting aside the fact that Caroline and Max are supposed to be “broke girls” – if this apartment exists, how are they able to afford it? In reality, the closest most of us will get to an apartment with a backyard is an alleyway next door where there are occasionally pigeon fights and a family of stray cats.
Hey Arnold!: Tricked-Out Bedrooms are the Norm
Remember Arnold’s room, AKA the room that was the dream of your childhood? A glass ceiling, pullout wall sofa, and remote control lighting. And it all belongs to a nine year old. Someone call Child Protective Services on Arnold’s family, because there’s no way any sane adult would have an apartment with a bedroom this swanky and not keep it for themselves.
Parks and Recreation: You Can Move Two Homes in a Trailer About the Size of a Refrigerator
Ann and Chris’s move away from Pawnee was heartbreaking, except for one distracting thought: how are these two people moving both their houses with just a tiny trailer? Their trailer was smaller than a car and was being trailed by a small sedan. From past episodes, we know that Ann and Chris each had their own homes, so this move is also them moving in together. Now, something tells us health nut Chris won’t be giving up his exercise machines so easily, and stylish Ann won’t be purging her closet anytime soon. Who are you trying to fool, ABC?
Frasier: You’ll Have an Unobstructed Skyline View
When was the last time you visited an apartment – any apartment – that had a view of the skyline? And when was the last time that view was unblocked and through the living room window? Probably never. But Frasier Crane’s condo, in addition to having three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a grand piano, had views of Seattle that were unbelievable. Which only made it more disappointing to realize that your first apartment had a view of a literal brick wall.
Gossip Girl: Everyone Has a Luxury Apartment
From the Van der Woodsen’s over-the-top townhouse to Chuck’s party-ready bachelor pad, each apartment on this show had its own unique type of luxury that raised our expectations, only to be crushed. Sure, they were descendants of families that were loaded with cash, but even the Humphreys – the closest thing Gossip Girl had to middle class characters – lived in a swanky Brooklyn Loft. It raised our hope that even with a dismal minimum wage, we could afford a place like that – only to find that lofts are actually even more expensive.
The Mindy Project: Your Place Will Be Well-Decorated and Clean, No Matter How Busy You Are
Image: Apartment Therapy
Mindy’s apartment is not only gorgeous, but it’s also constantly spotless. How does anyone have time to keep their apartment so clean, let alone a busy OBGYN like Mindy who’s trying to juggle a career, various romantic relationships, and a child? If we ever find an apartment like Mindy’s in real life, we’ll be launching a full-scale investigation to find out if there’s a secret cleaning crew.
Girls, The Big Bang Theory, Glee, Master of None, and Too Many Others: You Don’t Need a Paycheck to Make Rent
On Girls, Hannah affords a Brooklyn two-bedroom while unemployed. On The Big Bang Theory, Penny lives in a swanky one-bedroom on her own as an actress “on hiatus.” On Glee, Rachel and Kurt rent a spacious Brooklyn loft while one is an intern and the other is a student. And on Master of None, Dev has a spacious, well-furnished Manhattan one-bedroom, despite having only one major acting gig. What do they all have in common? None of these characters are making a paycheck that’s enough to cover rent. Maybe the next time the show’s writers can’t make rent, they should tell their landlord “I’m on hiatus” and see what happens.
Finding the apartment of your dreams isn’t easy, but moving in can be with Dolly. Book a Dolly for an apartment move that’s so easy, you’ll be sure it was out of a TV show.
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